Amazon has released the twenty finalists for their second headquarters. Setting aside the actual winner will be decided by which city and state whores itself out the most, here's the ranking (bottom to top).
20. Miami, FL – Going to be underwater soon.
19. Newark, NJ – That’s funny.
18. Northern Virginia, VA – “Northern Virginia” isn’t a city.
17. Montgomery County, MD – Neither is a county.
16. Atlanta, GA – Hell, with Coke.
15. Dallas, TX – Hell, with cowboy boots.
14. Los Angeles, CA – Hell.
13. New York City, NY – Hell, with urine. Although, The London hotel is nice.
12. Washington D.C. – Not a city. A district.
11. Indianapolis, IN – Columbus, Indiana would be better. The best, per capita, architecture city on the planet.
10. Columbus, OH – Wrong (Columbus) state.
9. Philadelphia, PA – Not bad. Can be cold.
8. Raleigh, NC – Excellent. Not cold. Not too big.
7. Denver, CO – Excellent. But too close to Seattle.
6. Austin, TX – Excellent. But Texas.
5. Boston, MA - Excellent. But more than a little prejudicial. Ballpark could use a scrubbing.
4. Chicago, IL – Excellent. But Illinois, and gunfire.
3. Nashville, TN – Probably the best U.S. choice (on the list). City with character (the Parthenon's more than a little weird). A Hargreaves park. Not cold.
2. Pittsburgh, PA – Cold, but beautiful, industrious city, great ballpark, and lovely drive to Fallingwater.
1. Toronto, ON – The smart choice (on the list). Though Seaside would substantially increase morale.