Craig’s Friday Countdown: Gas station candy bars

Gas Station Candy Bars

20.  Zagnut – never had one, not buying anything called Zagnut

19.  Whatchamacallit – never had one, opposed to buying something the company which sells it is too lazy to give a name to (also applies to most luxury car brands)

18.  Payday – a bag of nuts is better

17.  Baby Ruth – a bag of chocolate covered nuts is better

16.  Almond Joy – the milk chocolate and almond ruin a perfectly good Mounds bar

15.  Twix / KitKat – if I wanted a cracker, I wouldn’t be standing in front of this mountain of brightly wrapped sugar

14.  Butterfinger – ok, but picking residue out of your molars is more trouble than it’s worth

13.  100 Grand – used to like them as a kid, thought I was getting a deal buying something worth $100,000 for a quarter

12.  Three Musketeers – Milky Ways are better

11.  Milky Way – Snickers are better

10.  Hershey’s Milk Chocolate – basic, but here is where the balance shifts to being worth your while

9.  Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – not a bar, but good enough to overlook this technicality, eat upside down for full effect

8.  M & Ms – see Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (no need to eat upside down)

7.  Hershey’s Special Dark – better than milk chocolate, but nowhere near as good as the premium dark chocolates

6.  Hershey’s With Almonds – what doesn’t work for Almond Joy works here, each bar is an edible lottery ticket with an unknown bounty of almonds

5.  Nestle’s Crunch – accept only the original, the variations are all corrupt aberrations, borne of corporate greed

4.  Nestle’s Skor – if you’re picking something out of your teeth, better its toffee than compressed Butterfinger

3.  Snickers – #1 if I’m hungry

2.  Mounds – why is such an excellent candy bar always on the bottom of the rack?

1.  Snickers Dark – the elusive unicorn of candy bars ... if they could just amp up the quality of the dark chocolate, Mars Inc. would rule the world