Craig’s Friday Countdown Teen Jobs

Mayor Gluba’s teen job fair has me recalling working for the man from age twelve through nineteen.  

10) tie Dishwasher, Sizzler Steakhouse – A recurring Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmare.  The manager would get drunk and go on a tirade, then pass out.  We’d turn the clock forward an hour and close early.  

10) tie Dishwasher, Pratser’s Silver Saddle Restaurant - The first job I quit, at the age of twelve.  Didn’t quite know how, so I called the restaurant’s phone, from the restaurant’s pay phone.  It was a brief conversation.  

9) Stockboy, Toys by Rizzi – The only job I’ve been fired from.  They found out I wasn’t sixteen and sent me packing.

8)  Lemonade Trailer, Lake County Fair – How they passed health inspections was anyone’s guess.  I’m guessing a well-placed Andrew Jackson.

7) McDonalds – Back in the day of real milk shakes and actual grilling, it was a fun early teen job, except for the cologne of grease that resisted all attempts to launder out of the brown polyester uniform.  The last place my job included mopping up vomit (well, at least literally).    

6) Gas Station Attendant – Old school, full service, through two winters.  A pretty tough gig, but the full-time guys were making nearly $75K a year, selling empty quarts of oil and other unnecessary services to customers.  Really, you are much better off at self-service pumps.     

5) Stockboy, 84 Lumber – The smell of fresh cut timber.  Doing donuts on the forklift.  Belt sander races.  An excellent job, even with restacking a hundred studs every time somebody wanted one that was straight.

4) Stockboy, Gold Liquors – How popular would you guess a kid in high school who is a stockboy at a liquor store could be?  Very popular.

3) Merchandise Handler, JC Penneys – No longer a stockboy, now a merchandise handler!  The danger of crawling into the garbage crusher to unclog it was more than offset by the unadulterated joy of lashing entire living room sets to the trunks, roofs and hoods of cars with twine.  A low-pressure gig, we spent most of our time juggling rolls of packing tape.   

2) Fireworks “Importer” – No Trans Am.  No Sally Field.  No Jerry Reed.  Just a Pinto Cruising Wagon loaded to the porthole windows with Missouri fireworks.  Free enterprise rules. 

1) Lifeguard, Grayslake Park District – Prince of the beach.  Best job ever.   Wanna buy some bottle rockets?